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The Cave's X-Files
Commentary Archives: Post: *Orison: Scully's quest to
look further There seemed to be a heroic journey going on here for Scully, one that involved facing her previous fears and overcoming them, but not just by brute strength. She is continually urged not to go any further (the repeated song, Mulder's concerned willingness to let her drop a case he knows has to be causing her a lot of anguish, the apparent 'end' to the case with the death of the chaplain Orison.) But, like any heroic figure, she finds she must face her nemesis, and she does, and does not give up the fight regardless of the hopeless appearance of the situation. This, in itself, is a marked turn for Scully. Going back to Littljoe's 'Calling out in the Dark', Scully's world-view has not always included a way out of difficulty. There have been many times when she has fought without hope of winning, not called for help because she believed no help would be forthcoming, or (as in *Memento Mori) resigned herself to death because she saw no possibility of help from medical science. In *Orison, her new strength is shown not simply in physically continuing the fight, but in her attitude, in her mental refusal to concede, in the strength of her protests to Pfaster, and in her willingness to examine, in the end, the course she has taken. This willingness to tackle the difficult (and how often in the past have we seen Scully avoid the difficult, the potentially messy?) also gives her the strength to deal with Mulder's skepticism. When Mulder asks her if God has ever spoken to her, and makes the remark that a lot of nutbags claim God is working through them, her "I'm trying not to take offense" is delivered from a position of strength, not, as it might have been in the past, from a place of defensiveness or doubt. Mulder, for his part, has definitely tempered the sharp edge of his skepticism. He loves this woman, he knows it, and he has no desire to pull her world apart; he just doesn't believe for himself and can't understand how she does. But everything he asks her this time around is quiet. Everything is a question, not a barb. When he realizes the connections she's making, he seems genuinely to want to understand her position despite his inherent skepticism. (As a final tribute to her intuition in this case, we see him acting on it himself by calling, then going to her apartment after he's heard that same key song come on his radio.) Mulder is worried about Scully right from the start. At the prison meeting he's constantly glancing at her to monitor her reactions. He offers her a graceful way out, though I think he understands her need to continue with the case in the same way he felt the overpowering need to undertake a series of unconventional treatments in *'Demons. I believe he sees her need to gain strength by grappling with this. Even at episode's end, his understanding of her need to be strong governs the way he interacts with her. He does go to check on her; as someone has pointed out, he goes right into the bedroom and she is not offended that he does so. No, he doesn't touch her, but I don't think that's what she needed here. She needed to know that she was strong, needed to feel that strength on her own, and he gives her a little space so she can do that. She didn't need someone to sit down next to her, or to put an arm around her. This is a moment of establishing for Scully, not a moment of letdown. He does come close. He does speak softly. He reassures her about his report. He doesn't take over. He lets her voice her concerns and doesn't discount them by giving her pat answers. The topic of religion enters into this episode in very blunt ways. My own gut reaction is to find these representations (the demon, the clock reading 6:66) as caricatured as I did the idea of seraphim, nephalim, etc. in *All Souls. I find quite as jarring as if Pfaster or another character had morphed into, say, one of the Greek gods. It's not spirituality or metaphysical concepts I find awkward--bring 'em on--I love digging--but rather the anachronistic confines presented by these images. We have no point of reference for an actual physical demon in our everyday lives, though we do for evil itself, or fear, or the suggestion that we should do something we know to be wrong--even if it's only that little voice telling us we really, really want that second piece of cheesecake. The Reverend Orison's piousness (and the name does mean 'prayer', BTW, as when Hamlet says to Ophelia, "In thy orisons be all my sins remembered") is found to have a fairly nonsectarian explanation in the hole drilled into Orison's head and his desire, whether as an individual human being or one supposedly motivated by God, to pass judgment on those operating outside the law of God's love. The song Scully keeps hearing, and which even Mulder finally hears in his apartment, was a much more interesting touch to me. While it obviously could be considered the kind of 'make out' song Mulder mentions in his remark, the title highlights the suggestion Scully is constantly confronted with--not to look any further, to accept things the way they are, not to fight, not to resist. As Donny Pfaster tells her when he puts her in the closet and goes to run the bath, "Now don't give me any trouble." Isn't this always what the devil wants, whether you conceive that devil to be a physical personality or a projection of your own subconscious or the suggestion of another human mind? As Mulder is repeatedly tempted to do in *Amor Fati, close your eyes, go to sleep, stop the struggle. In other words: let me win without any effort on my own part. Just give up. Lazy dude, that devil! The lyrics are noteworthy, too: 'someone to count on/in a world ever changing' and 'you need a lover/someone to take over'. Scully is being challenged to fall back on some outside strength, or to retreat (as all heroic characters are.) But she realizes that she needs to have her own strength. This is something I've been thinking about lately, partly in my own life and as it's come up for Tracy the Stair Sprite in *Sanctuary--that while it's great to feel support and companionship, those things come and go in human life over time, and while we always welcome them, at some point they're not going to be there and you're going to have to have some strength of your own to keep you afloat--if only until the next wave of support comes along. It behooves all of us to cultivate this strength, which is not the same as 'one man is an island' or 'I need no one'...or even an 'I'm okay, Mulder' when Scully is not; I think at this point she's realized that. But those lyrics reflect a suggestion, whether you want to see it as coming from the subconscious or from a demonic power or personality, that you should leave someone--or something--else to be at the front lines for you, that you can or should close your eyes instead of preparing and strengthening yourself. Another idea repeated in the ep was that of 'stopping the world', or of the devil, or evil, always waiting 'for just an instant, for when His back is turned', as Pfaster says. Here is a concept infinitely more terrifying than the idea of a supernatural force controlling or guiding one's life in a manner beyond a person's conscious personal control--the idea that evil is always alert and waiting, that for all our persistent watching, just one second of distraction, of letting down our defenses, can lead to ruin and tragedy...or conversely, that unconscious evil is ready to fill any void that we have not filled with something better. The obviously evil Pfaster seems to be presented with this opportunity in the prison garment factory, when he--incredulously--sees time slow to a crawl, everyone's attention elsewhere, realizes his opportunity and makes his escape. Why is Donny the only one not affected by the mass hypnosis? Scully, too, is presented with this same scenario. What does it say about her that within this ongoing moment she fires and kills Pfaster? I'm not sure I know, but then Scully herself is left to ponder the significance of this at the end. The events that happen within that 'stopped world' (and did you notice that they happened in reverse order?--shell casing dropping, then explosion, then finally the sound of the shot and blackness?) left Mulder incredulous and Scully open-mouthed. All of a sudden it's over, Pfaster is dead, Scully is shaken and retreats to her bedroom. Mulder enters to check on her and--significantly, it seemed to me--offers, "If you want to pack up some things we can get out of here." There's no distinguishing between the two of them, as if he considers them one integral unit, and his remark gets no shocked or disconcerted reaction from Scully. But she needs time to process and ponder, and he has the sense to give it to her, to help as he can, and to stay back enough for her to feel her own strength. Because, for whatever interpretation you care to lay on the events of the episode, she does emerge stronger than before. Like the classic hero, she has persevered and her struggles have served to strengthen her. -LT ........................ Post: temptation and threat Sorry not to be longer in my response… you bring up so many important points here. I agree very much with your analysis of Scully's demonstration of her strength here, but I especially wanted to comment on what you say about the song and the temptation of the devil. Thanks for bringing parallel to *AF. It's very interesting to see how each M&S has been asked to surrender, but the request is very different. In *AF, the devil holds out sweet temptations to Mulder and the promise of things that M has never allowed himself to desire -- material comfort, family, safety, protection. For Scully the devil holds out death and destruction. Not to tempt her but to warn her that there is no resistance, no salvation, no hope of escape -- give up not to make life easier, but because there is no escape. How bleak. He taunts her with her fate. Once you brought this up it reminded me of the action of the hallucinogenic agent in *Field Trip, where Mulder imagines the best thing (that Scully believes him) and Scully imagines the worst (that Mulder dies). As Littljoe has pointed out elsewhere, Mulder is inherently more optimistic than Scully, who lives with the stark reality of evil. The song does not tempt Scully with the attraction of falling back on someone of strength; it warns her that this is her fate: Someone will take over. After all, if the song were about retreat into protection, then who would be the strength, the person to turn to, the lover? It would be Mulder, not Pfaster. To my mind, the song was not telling her that leaning on Mulder or anyone else would cause her to be lost; that doesn't make sense to me. The song is taunting her that she cannot escape the fate of Pfaster overpowering her. It is a perversion of the sentiments of leaning and depending and love. In its mockery it reflects the candle-lit bath as scene of death rather than love. The song had already acquired the taint of evil for Scully and I think that was the message it carried to her. ..................... Post: What if it wasn't: the human
factor Some authors postulate that every human being holds a murderous core, a darkness that can be released by a singular set of circumstances. Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" and William Golding's "Lord of the Flies" are both constructed around this idea, that unrestrained violence may make one more human rather than less so. That our instincts instruct us to govern ourselves by barbarity in the absence of a familiar social structure. That Kurtz is something more complicated than a nutjob gone native, and that the boys on the island survived according to their ability to adapt to their new environment. The episode *Wetwired explored the same ideas; the external force of the television signals may have been the factor that drove people to kill, but in each case the violent impulse came from within. Dana Scully is a murderer now. She looked at Pfaster, held up her gun, and shot him. But how could she have gotten there? Scully is a woman who believes that justice can be served through the judicial system. She doesn't believe in taking advantage of anyone, no matter how repugnant they might be to her - think back to her anger when Mulder hit Roche in *PH. Yet she pulled the trigger on an unarmed man who was in the control of another armed agent. There's a side of Scully that rarely shows through, the angry, uncontrolled side. She is usually reserved and in control, and we've speculated before that she may fear the strength of her emotions. I think that fear is justified. Prior to *Orison we'd only seen her really lose it once in my recollection. In *Beyond The Sea, her anger at Boggs was loud and red-faced and escalating: "I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, four days from now, no one will be able to stop me from being the one that will throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch!" This threat was shouted in fury and fear and desperation just after the first loss of a loved one during her x-files tenure, and it was impotent. It was loud, but it was just a threat, a vocalization of anger that she couldn't act on. Scully has been rendered impotent over and over as a result of her job. She has only rarely been able to save herself, and I imagine those aren't the times she wakes up remembering in the middle of the night. Regardless of who does the saving, though, usually the story ends when the assailant is vanquished. She does not need to fear that attacker again, and she's stronger when the next one comes. But she learned that there is one assailant against whom she is powerless when the consortium came back a second time. That they could abduct her twice surely told her that she was no stronger, no more capable of resistance the second time than the first. More importantly, it meant that her anger had gotten her nowhere. Anger at the injustice of three missing months, cancer, dozens of dead women, infertility, Emily, and a life colored by fear that the chip in her neck will draw her to another bridge. All that absolute knowledge that she was an innocent victim of ruthless inhumanity, that she was right and they were wrong, that she was good and they were evil - and she still ended up on a spaceship in Antarctica. Then Donnie Pfaster came back to tell Scully that killing her is all he'd been thinking about for five years, and she broke open and spilled out all the wrath she'd been holding for those years. Anger precludes fear, and she gave into fury as she fought for her life. But once she'd let go of her control she couldn't just grab it back even if she wanted to. What I saw during the fight was that Dana Scully wanted to kill Donnie Pfaster every bit as much as he wanted to kill her. And what I saw propelling Scully's finger as it pulled the trigger was neither God nor the devil but the dark core of an abused human being confronting all of the evil she's ever encountered. Pfaster's death was certainly vengeance, but I think it was vengeance against all of the people whose sins against her have remained unpunished. I can understand how Scully could commit murder. She's human and I think we've seen the darkness inside her before. I don't like it - I sat in absolute shock after the episode ended - but I can see where it could have come from. What saddened and scared me most, though, was her apparent willingness to let Mulder lie about it to save her. Her professional integrity flew out the open window. And I hate to say it, but I'm afraid that her relationship with Mulder may be clouding her, changing her. She was willing to let his interpretation of her actions let her off the legal hook, and I find it very frightening that she seemed to let his opinion hold more sway over her than her knowledge of right and wrong. -beth ................... Post: Scully and the human factor These are really interesting comments, Beth, and in large part I agree with you. We rarely see Scully's violent side, but when it surfaces it is distressingly strong. You gave the example of *Beyond the Sea; I am also reminded of how she came so close to killing Luis Cardinale in *Apocrypha. There are several ideas here that tie in together very closely, and I'm still trying to sort them all out myself. Except for the presence of Donny Pfaster, it seemed to me that this episode, in theme, had much more in common with *All Souls than with *Irresistible. Just like in *AS, here we see Scully struggling with the idea that she is receiving messages from God, and trying to decide whether or not she can believe such a thing, whether she is being arrogant or, worse, deluded and used by the forces of evil. In *All Souls, she worried out loud to the priest that Mulder didn't see the same signs she did; in *Orison, she feels secure enough to confide these worried to Mulder himself, but the quality of her apprehension is very much the same. And just like *All Souls, in *Orison she is finally confronted with a devil in human form, whom she feels she must thwart at all costs; in *All Souls, by letting the girl die (which Scully clearly saw as only a whisker away from murder); in *Orison, by killing Pfaster herself. There is a continuity here too with *Revelations, in which Scully also feels there is a communication from God meant only for her. I guess the real question for Scully is this: Whose messages is she receiving? As she herself asks, Who is acting through her? In *Orison, she could be receiving personal messages from both God and the demon/Pfaster. The message contained in the repeated line "Don't look any further" could come from either source. It could be a threat from Pfaster, a terrifying promise of what he intends to do to her; but it also was left to her by Orison, clearly as a warning. The fact that she associates the song with the reality of evil in the world could mean that God is sending her that song to warn her of the presence of evil, *or to caution her that her response to it may lead her into evil as well*--and maybe this is what she believes. In any case, though she wonders about the significance of the song, she repeatedly rejects all aspects of its message--she doesn't need (or want) anyone to take over, and she continues to look further, until her hatred of Pfaster is all that she can see. There is the additional mystery of whether Pfaster is actually a demon, or just(!) an incredibly evil man with some special powers. This is not a trivial matter, because Scully's interpretation of her own actions depends on her idea of what Pfaster actually was. As LT pointed out, he shows his demon face to Orison, who cannot kill him; but Scully refuses to see that demon face, or Pfaster chooses not to show it to her, and she CAN kill him. She refuses to see him as a supernatural being; but in that refusal, she also puts her moral center in jeopardy, because she killed a human being--a very evil one, but a human nevertheless. Furthermore, we learn that she summoned up enough compassion for Pfaster--or decency of spirit--to advise the judge against the death penalty for Pfaster the first time; she must feel that she is now suffering the consequences of that compassionate decision, which would inflame her anger even more. This also gives us an insight into the fact that, for Scully, personal concerns easily overwhelm abstract concepts like justice and devotion to duty. She wanted to see Boggs die because she thought he has set Mulder up, and she was still afraid then that Mulder would die. But after it was clear that Mulder would recover, she recoiled at the thought of watching Boggs' execution--she repented of that bloodthirstiness, I think, as long as she knew Mulder was safe. Perhaps she was able to ask for life in prison for Pfaster because he had not actually killed anyone close to her. It would be natural for her to minimize what Pfaster had done to her--she does that all the time. Working on the X-Files taught her a long time ago to disregard her own personal danger--including danger to her career and reputation--in order to do what she thought was required to ensure the safety of people she cared for. She disobeyed Skinner without a second thought in order to save Mulder in *Anasazi, and that's only one of many examples. But with Pfaster she sees her disregard of self used against her--her anger when she screams at Pfaster about "the only reason you're alive" is fueled at least partly by a sense of betrayal, I think. Has God betrayed her by letting her compassion or disregard of self lead her into physical and moral danger? Maybe this is part of the question she wrestles with now. I don't see it as a foregone conclusion that she will accept Mulder's version of events and get herself off the hook. What he is doing for her is only natural--it's just what anyone in his situation would do to protect someone he loves. And I can see Skinner accepting Mulder's version without question, even if Scully tries to convince him of her guilt. Her chances of actually being prosecuted are nonexistent. This being the case, if she were absolutely convinced that her killing of Pfaster was unjustified, how far would she go? Would she quit? I don't think so, because of her need to maintain her commitment to Mulder, which is so much stronger now after *AF. I think she will continue to wrestle with this internally, and possibly in conversation with Mulder--I don't think she will find anything about this experience easy to accept or justify. --LJ .................. Post: Re: Scully and the human
factor Terrific insights, Beth and LJ, into Scully and her dilemmas. I'd just like to raise the question of her state of mind, something that would factored into a judicial decision, though it would not exonerate Scully in her own mind. I've watched the shooting scene several times and it seems to me that Scully is in a trance as she walks out of the bedroom. Mulder shouts at her, but her eyes never flicker from Pfaster and from his stare at her, the light glinting off the corner of his eye. The shot then "occurs," a warning shot, it seems, since she was too close to miss. There is nothing on her face to show that she knows she is firing. And then, the second fatal shot, while Mulder is looking away at the light fixture sparking from the first bullet. Pfaster falls to the floor and Mulder shows his dismay. Only then does Scully's face register consciousness of the actual situation rather than of her mental picture-- her steely focus on the fact that only she *or Pfaster could survive and her total concentration on the presence of evil. "Temporary insanity" brought on by the attack on her and her survival instincts? Almost any review panel would be sure to conclude that, and would they be wrong? Scully, though, does not seek the easy answer. She and Mulder were on different pages on her guilt... M operating on the plane of choice (Pfaster removed your choices, you had to do it) and S not seeing that she had *chosen, only that she had *acted. For her, the problems was not so much what she chose, as what drives her. She wasn't *out of control as she was with Boggs, and maybe you are right, Beth, that the shot comes from a dark core, but that core is not necessarily one of impotence and vengeance, but of willingness to take burden of guilt and pain onto herself. At some level, her questions about being an instrument of God -- or of right -- feed into her self-stated mission to protect. To make choices or take actions, knowing in advance that some of them will be wrong, means putting herself into moral danger as well as physical. She has chosen this burden. Whether she chose to shoot or it came from some deep instinct, in her eyes the burden is the same. Mulder and Scully have found time and again that they must deal with means/ends problems. Their quest is not simply right versus wrong, but guesses and compromises they must make to pursue what they *believe to be the truth. Choices made for the right reason have bad consequences (pleading for Pfaster's life... Scully's earlier attempt to fight evil with good) and other actions (or choices) that are wrong, end up serving good. When Mulder almost shot Cassandra, that was the choice he was making -- to do something repugnant to serve a cause he *thought was right. He believed Cassandra at that moment, but he did not know. Skinner's comment comes to mind here; in saying that that every day, every life is in danger, he might have been referring to moral as well as physical life. The symbolism of the shooting scene does not make it easier for us, either, to answer Scully's question about what made her pull the trigger. Earlier, at the prison escape, the others are hypnotized, distracted, and in that moment, evil takes advantage and Pfaster escapes. The same happens at the diner, a diversion and Orison takes Pfaster out of the reach of police. Something similar occurs in the hospital. In the shooting scene, there is no hypnotism, but the first shot distracts Mulder for the moment of the killing. Was that meant to be another instance of evil stepping in as mere humans break attention? It should complicate the picture for us, as well, of what filled Scully at that moment, rightful vengeance, self-defense, or the failure of her moral code. ................. Post: Murder? Really now... I have to admit Beth, you got to the heart of the ep. Excellent post. And there is this messy "legal" question about Scully's actions that requires somewhat of a "cover-up." The fact remains, however, that Pfaster broke into her house with intent to kill. He escaped prison with intent to kill (and DID kill once again, in fact). He tied Scully up, pushed her in the closet and went off to prepare the ritual of her death. What does the guy have to do, actually start chopping her figures off, before Scully's action can be reasonably interpreted as "self-defense"? Regardless of the rage with her, regardless of her confusion in the end about her own motivations, Pfaster assaulted her with intent to kill. Does it really matter that the assault with intent to kill takes place in a time-extended, ritualistic fashion? I think not. His "staring stunt" before she pulled the trigger doesn't change any of that. What Scully did something considerably less than "murder" in my book anyway, regardless of what the confused "justice" system might think. Mulder's right. "He would have killed again." It's a strange world that waits for the killing to actually occur before proper action is taken. It says the right of criminal to carry through with their intentions is greater than the right of the victim to preempt (and silence) them. 0516 .................. Post: M&S and "Justice" It is interesting, that through the years, Scully has certainly changed her view about what constitutes Justice. But I don't know that it is Mulder that is somehow corrupting this image, or just the circumstances themselves that are teaching her that the system is so corrupt that there maybe no such thing as Justice in the human realm. We have seen her lie for Mulder before in front of a tribunal. We have seen her go to jail for refusing to reveal Mulder's whereabouts. Her cynicism of the system has been growing for some time. I think what shocked her in Orison was that she would go so far as to actually take someone's life. I think it shocked all of us. However, the fact that she had the grace to realize this within herself and question her actions does separate her from CSM and Krycek and all the others that believe they are above the law. ................. Post: There is no Justice I haven't had time to rewatch the episode, yet. I am loving this exploration of that last moment. I think Reenay's post there being only one shot is very interesting and enlightening. Here's what I think and I know you're all waiting with Baited Breath. I don't think that with Scully at that moment it was about vengence or justice. Imagine the focus this woman must have had. She suddenly finds herself in a repeat of a horrible nightmare with only the creepiest of twists. The song, the message, the spiritual implications of the events they had followed had to be on her mind. Before she really has a chance to process that she is fighting with a monster she not only has put away before but has tried to put out of her mind. I think it's easy to think that she would be stronger, more defiant the second time around. But ithink it's harder to be that focused. This last time she had her hands tied behind her back. And she gets more accomplished with more against her. My point is that what focused her to inch along the floor through broken glassin order to survive? I think that from the time she saw her gun on the floor there was only one thought in her head. "This stops. I have to stop it." I think she was so dug into that thought that he could have been down on the ground surrounded by twenty agents and she still would have shot him. I think in some ways she may have been in a trance of sorts, but I don't believe it was one of God's or Pfaster's or Satan's doing. I think it was a place inside herself that she had to go in order to survive and I think THAT is what she meant that what if it wasn't God. I think just like I think it was Beth or Littlejoe who said it is a part of being Human. I think she realized it came from inside her. And I agree, that's what she'll have to reconcile to herself. Or at least try. Patterson p.s. I'm wondering if "Don't look any further," was a creep out move on the part of all that is evil. Something to keep her away and let Orison/Pfaster do whatever. Just a thought. .................. Post: On second-guessing Cool post, Patts! You've touched on some things I've been thinking about, too. It's really easy (way too easy) to look back at someone else's actions after the fact and say, "Well, obviously you should have taken this other course instead." It happens all the time in courts, as faisan will probably be able to tell you, as well as in people's minds. However, that doesn't change the dilemma the person was in *at the time*, before whatever eventuality that happened actually came to pass. In a way this storm of commentary surrounding Scully's action reminds me of the way Mulder was scourged for his decisions in *One Son, to try to save himself and those he loved when all other hope seemed lost. The fact, at the time, is that the course, or the eventualities, weren't obvious at all and the person was left to do whatever they could best figure out within the circumstances they were given. Maybe all that Vietnam research I've done has given me a slightly different perspective on this issue than others here; I've just read too many accounts of people who found themselves in dire situations doing whatever they had to do at the time. I know Scully will not let this go in her own mind (though unfortunately, as others have said, we're not likely to ever see it addressed again within the show, which is regrettable) but I don't see the issue in quite the dire terms many people here do. Mistakes/misjudgments/decisions are made all the time in their line of work, and some turn out to be better than others. I've been thinking back lately, too, to *Young Again and Mulder's split-second decision to go by the book, which resulted in two deaths, one of a suspect and the other of an agent with a young son. Both this and Scully's shooting of Pfaster could be considered 'mistakes' in one sense, but Mulder's decision not to shoot leaves him with convenient moral justification...though it does nothing for the boy who has lost his father as a result. I guess what I'm saying here is just that real life is a lot more complicated than the clear-cut rules and theoretical prohibitions when you get right down to it. I totally agree with your comments about the song lyrics. Exactly what I'd intended to say above, that she is continually being counseled to leave things alone, to let it all lie, and if she had, what would have been the result? Pfaster would have killed again. And likely again and again. I have no intention of making light of Scully's moral dilemma here, and it would be a definite dilemma for her as a character--whether or not 1013 ever chooses to address it. I'm just saying that it's a lot easier for us, who were not involved in this the way Scully was, to sit around in comfort picking out the 'of course she...' and labeling her a cold-blooded murderer. In her line of work and life, things aren't nearly so neat and obvious. Life is not as neat as we'd like it to be and while it behooves us, as a learning experience, to ponder what she went through here, it also behooves us not to pass judgment so quickly. We'd like to think we would have done the 'right' thing, but only being in those circumstances would reveal whether or not we actually would have. -LT site design
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